Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Randomize