I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
