Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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