She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
