Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
