So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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