Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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