There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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