i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
