I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
