This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
