Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
