Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize