u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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