i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
