he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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