Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
