wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
