I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
