We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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