So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
