I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
