the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
