His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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