So drunk its hurt
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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