I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
