Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
