32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
