so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
