He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
