you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
