why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Everclear isn't food dammit
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize