ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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