We named our party play list daddy issues
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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