You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize