Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
