just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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