I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
