Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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