somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
