but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
