I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
