it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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