so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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