Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
