My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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