I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
