summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize