i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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