The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
