The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
In America we eat man semen.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
