for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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