this boner is exhausting
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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