I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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