remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
