I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
