I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize