Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
