trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
