who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
