Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
True college students do jello shots in the library
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