Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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