Your tits are I can't wait for
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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