i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
