Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
