Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize